Humans develop through prolonged dependence upon their primary caregivers. The importance of those early relationships cannot be overstated: the ACE study proves it. The Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) study, published in 1998 at a Kaiser facility in California, had an original sample size of 9000 adults. The ACE questionnaire itself is a short assessment which asked about seven categories of adverse experiences (psychological, physical and/or sexual abuse; domestic violence; parental addictions/mental illness/suicide) in the first 18 years of life. A score of 1 denotes that person had 1 Adverse Childhood Experience growing up. Researchers then compared these results longitudinally with that person’s health history.
“We found a graded relationship between the number of categories of childhood exposure (or ACES) and each of the adult health risk behaviors and diseases that were studied (P < .001)… The number of categories of adverse childhood exposures showed a graded relationship to the presence of adult diseases including ischemic heart disease, cancer, chronic lung disease, skeletal fractures, and liver disease. The seven categories of adverse childhood experiences were strongly interrelated and persons with multiple categories of childhood exposure were likely to have multiple health risk factors later in life.” (Felitti & Anda et al 1998).
The implications of this study, and the hundreds of related studies now housed at the CDC, have shown that Adverse Childhood Experiences have profound effects on an individual’s health and wellbeing throughout their lives, not only in childhood.
ACEs exert their pernicious effects through CUTS: Chronic Unpredictable Toxic Stress. In a developing child the accumulation of toxic levels of stress hormones interferes with the construction of healthy nervous, immune, and endocrine system response sets. Patterns of dysfunctional physiologic responses reverberate throughout a human life, further reinforcing the original adaptation of flight, flight, freeze or fawn. These responses shape the relational health of the child as s/he grows and develops.
A child’s relational health reflects their ability to make, foster, and maintain positive relationships. Success in school is predicated on the ability to learn in a social environment. A child who struggles to form relationships with peers or adults is a child at risk. Because so much of what a child needs to learn is transmitted through relationship, relational health is a critical (and often hidden) dimension of learning.
In the not-too-distant past, a child’s relational health was not solely dependent on the mental health of two parents. People raised children more communally; children had uncles, aunts, grandparents or cousins that cared for them if their parents could not. Through caring relationships with other adults, children learned that they were still lovable and worthy even if their own parents couldn’t care for them. Those children could see their goodness and worthiness reflected in the eyes of the tribe—the weight of their parents’ dysfunction did not land squarely upon their shoulders. The fantasy of the nuclear family—that it is somehow is the ideal way to have and grow healthy children–has exacerbated and amplified the effects of ACEs.
Our challenge is to reclaim those parts of ourselves we left behind during childhood because they were punished, shamed, or made us too vulnerable. This reclamation rests upon creating and sustaining a loving and compassionate relationship to yourself. See the practice below to help you begin to create that relationship to your precious self.
Daily Practice—Unconditional Positive Regard
Stand alone in front of the bathroom mirror, look into your own eyes and say the following “(your first name), I love you and I accept you exactly the way you are”. Repeat 3 times, do 3x/day for at least 2 weeks. After 2 weeks, notice any changes.
This brief exercise is a way to practice unconditional positive regard for yourself and grow your safety within. Whatever emotion comes up, allow it to be there without judgement. There is no need to do anything about any emotion unless you feel overwhelmed. In that case please use EFT tapping (see video https://kealakea.com/videos/) to reduce overwhelm.
Resources
ACE Study: https://www.ajpmonline.org/article/S0749-3797(98)00017-8/fulltext
ACE Questionnaire: http://www.odmhsas.org/picis/TraningInfo/ACE.pdf