… you never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory” –Dr. Seuss
We’ve all experienced being captured by a memory so intensely that it moves us emotionally—we tear up or we smile and laugh. The power of the remembered to inhabit the present—to overwhelmingly inhabit the present—is the fundamental equation of complex post-traumatic stress disorders: trauma is remembered (it happened when we were children) and re-experienced as a current state, so available in the body/mind that a sudden sound, a passing scent, a casual remark said in a particular tone—brings it all back. We are hijacked by the intensity of the story we created–as children– to explain the unexplainable. We mis-perceive the present because we are primed to react to imagined threats.
This reactivity, caused by the hijacking of our emotional systems, keeps us on a wheel of compulsion repetition: when triggered, we perceive in the present only that which reinforces the stories we created as children. These circulating trauma narratives reinforce helplessness, victimization, fear, shame, despair, and hopelessness. It is a negative internal feedback loop that highlights failed attachment: the world is not safe.
What if memories can be used intentionally to change this defeating feedback loop into a positivity loop? This is a powerful use of our memory banks—to identify memories that embody or envision a state we wish to grow. Dr. Rick Hanson says it simply:
“You become more compassionate by repeatedly installing experiences of compassion.”
“You become more grateful by repeatedly installing experiences of gratitude.”
“You become more mindful by repeatedly installing experiences of mindfulness”
This is experience-dependent neuroplasticity. The more we do something, the more hard-wired it becomes. “Neurons that fire together wire together …” (Hebb 1949) describes why this is true. The more we experience a state, the easier it is to call it up when we need it. After enough experiences of any state, it will become a trait: “states become traits” (Perry 1995). Resource memories are the bedrock of this change, this change from negative neuroplasticity to positive neuroplasticity. Resource memories internalize positive experiences. What we wish to embody we must remember, enrich, and absorb. Resource memories seed neuroplastic change.
What is a resource memory? It is a memory, any memory, which embodies qualities we wish to grow internally. It is usually a memory that is felt in several senses at once, thus capturing our attention like a spotlight. A resource memory embodies the very thing we need more of. When I feel lonely, I need a resource memory of friendship, caring, and concern. When I feel small and weak, I need a resource memory of my own power; when I took action in the face of opposition. When I feel disappointed and discouraged, I need a resource memory of grace or faith (faith in myself, faith in a higher power, faith in the existential arc toward justice).
Resource memories can be used to alter the fundamental architecture of the brain, from negative neuroplasticity to positive neuroplasticity. *There are a few simple steps in this process:
- Identify the qualities you wish to grow within yourself
- Find several powerful memories of you or someone very close to you exhibiting those qualities. It doesn’t matter how long ago it was, or how old you were in this memory.
- At regular intervals throughout your day, recall –with as much sensory impressions as possible– this memory. Stay with and expand this memory, and the feelings this memory brings, for 5-6 breaths.
- Feel the memory being absorbed into your inner being. Imagine it as warm sunlight, the warmth of a woodstove, or a cooling rain falling on your body.
- Create a notebook/folder that is devoted to Resource Memories. Document these memories as you wish: in writing, as photos affixed to the page, or by drawing/sketching. When we are in an emotional emergency, we won’t have access to these kinds of memories, because these memories are empowering.
- Resource memories are a bridge to self-mastery. When frantic forgetting rules our inner world, a notebook with practiced resource memories is a map out of that personal hell. These remembered moments of empowerment can lift us out of situational despair or learned helplessness.
All of us use resource memories every day, unconsciously, that reinforce patterns laid down in childhood. Our inner voice is a nonstop negative critic who can’t stop over- emphasizing threat, misperceiving and amplifying danger, and wrongly attributing the troubles and trials visited upon us as children to the people or situations in front of us now.
Intentionally using (experiencing, enriching, absorbing) resource memories re-wires the brain for positive neuroplasticity. The brain is a use-dependent organ: it is shaped by what we do. Therapeutic change happens when, in the face of a familiar trigger, we are able to act differently. By not repeating the patterns that brought on distressing emotions, we are freed up to act in our own best interest. Every time we use a resource memory to grow inner strengths, we lay down new neuron tracks of positive neuroplasticity. The more we practice, the more we grow positivity cycles—as we feel safe and open, others respond to us positively, which creates further feeling of goodness and expansion, ad infinitum.
*The steps of this process are taken from Dr. Rick Hanson’s “Taking In the Good” and his HEAL method of creating neuroplastic change, see below.
References
Hanson, R. (2013). Hardwiring happiness: The new brain science of contentment, calm, and confidence. Harmony Books; NY.
Perry, B. D., Pollard, R. A., Blakley, T. L., Baker, W. L., & Vigilante, D. (1995). Childhood trauma, the neurobiology of adaptation, and “use-dependent” development of the brain: How “states” become “traits.” Infant Mental Health Journal, 16(4), 271–291.