A girl on a bike, feet off the pedals, picking up speed as she flies down the hill, the asphalt below singing like a choir. Hands-free, she trusts herself enough to just… let… go. She coasts.
We forget how to coast. We feel anxious or insecure if we are not moving forward. We push against life if it doesn’t move fast enough. We may continue to push– though futile in the time of the virus–because our brains and nervous systems are hard-wired to keep our internal foot on an invisible adrenal accelerator, pedal to the metal. The internal pressure goads us into pushing more. Until something stops it. Enter COVID-19.
This Great Disruption is deeply challenging to our autonomy. It may feel extremely stressful to deal with the challenges of work. Easy things have gotten much harder. If you are unemployed you may feel fearful of the pathway ahead. These extra-ordinary stresses can result in a baseline mood of irritation or impatience: loud internal static. When that baseline static interacts with the limits imposed by the virus, our anger/rage circuits get activated. Some of us may feel “one degree from boiling over” a lot these days.
We are reactive instead of responsive. How can we move toward states of responsiveness instead of reactivity if COVID 19 is still here? “How can we feel safe if there is still danger out there”
This Great Disruption is going to take time. Things are going to be chaotic, and uncertain, and ever-changing, and unpredictable, for a while. For those of us who had chaotic, unpredictable, unsafe childhoods, the pandemic is triggering deep limbic emotional circuits that are subcortical, therefore under our conscious radar. “When SEEKING is thwarted, RAGE is aroused” (*2010 Panksepp). We can re-learn how to coast, instead of ‘pedal to the metal’.
Things take time. Friends take time. Love takes time. Dinner takes time. Gardens take time. Kids take time. Give yourself time. We can’t control what’s happening in the outside world. We can only control how we respond. So take the pressure off and coast…just for a while.
PRACTICE: Here are 4 ways to practice taking the pressure off:
- Pay attention to your self-talk through your day. Are you scolding yourself for not doing enough? Just observe that inner monolog for a while. Then, question it: “is that really true? Am I really wasting time?” Reality test your self-talk. Pay attention to the ways you pressure yourself, and respond to that self-talk with the facts: list what you have already done that day.
- Pay attention to your internal sensations (pressure) throughout your day. Do they rev up as the day goes on? If so, set your timer at 2h intervals, and do a 5 min check in: “how am I feeling?”. If you notice you’re revving up, move outside and take a few slow deep breaths. If you are indoors, find something lovely to focus on. Slow your breath. Music can soften and slow reactivity, as can a bear hug, or loving your 4-legged. Listen here to Marconi Union’s Weightless (YouTube video).
- Every night before bed, list 3 things that ‘worked well’ that day. It doesn’t matter if they were on a to do list—just review your day and write them down. Notice if it gets easier. Give it 2 weeks, then see if some of your internal pressure has lifted a little. If it has, continue this practice for awhile.
- Remind yourself often that you can only control what is in your lane. Your lane is your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, behaviors, dreams, etc. You cannot control another person’s lane, and you cannot control COVID-19 or its myriad effects. Place palms on heart and breathe deeply: In this moment I am safe.
*Panksepp J. Affective neuroscience of the emotional BrainMind: evolutionary perspectives and implications for understanding depression. Dialogues Clin Neurosci. 2010;12(4):533‐545.
Resources
- Pluto Living: A talking Schnauzer bringing her level-headed advice to the 2-legged during the crisis.
- Coursera: A totally free platform to take courses from Harvard, Yale, Johns Hopkins, etc. (no credit given).
- Bored Panda: A media company dedicated to making you laugh.
- Center for Mind Body Medicine: Every Friday Dr. James Gordon hosts a 1-hour webinar. This week is “Honor Your Emotions, Part II.”